"Figure Skating With Saddam"
ThinkSoJoE note: Seeing as the 2008 Winter Olympics are kicking off one week from today, I figured I’d revisit a column that discusses the controversy from the 1994 Winter Olympics. This article was posted in 2004 on the 10th anniversary of the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding incident. Enjoy!
Well folks, another week over, let’s recap.
One week ago, JB broke the story of Britney Spears’ marriage here on our site. When I woke up a few hours later, it was all over the news that she had it annulled. So therefore, I started the “2004 Idiocy Timeline.” Not even one week later, we added Elecia Battle, who told Cleveland police that she lost the winning Mega Millions lottery ticket. Two days later, she admitted that she never had the ticket to begin with. Stupidity reigns in our age, and I’m looking forward to finding out who is going to be the “2004 Idiot Of The Year!”
This past week also marked the tenth anniversary for an event that could’ve been considered a 1994 “Idiot of the Year” candidate had we been around. Yes, it was ten years ago that Tonya Harding had Nancy Kerrigan’s kneecap smashed in. Now, I’m sure you all think that it would’ve been a candidate for IOTY because it was just really dumb, and the perpetrator only came in like 7,000th anyway, but you’re wrong. Well, mostly. See, I think it would have been a potential candidate because she put out a hit on somebody for FIGURE SKATING! All Kerrigan was doing out there anyway was wasting valuable ice time that could’ve been used for a real sport, hockey. Now before you send me any hate mail about what I just said, I have two words for you that separate the sport from the athletic competition: French judge. Anyways, I think it was a really dumb idea to try and break somebody’s leg to win a gold medal in a “sport” that gives out gold medals once a month to their “top stars.” I could understand, say, if Dennis Rodman kicked one of the players from Belarus in the nuts to help the U.S. team win a championship, because basketball only gives out those gold medals once every four years. And that reminds me of another thing. Kerrigan, injured knee and all, took second that year behind… um… well I forget her name and where she was from… but anyways, imagine how well Kerrigan would’ve done if her own teammate didn’t have her boyfriend bash her knee in.
News came across the other day that Saddam Hussein is officially listed as a Prisoner Of War. So to follow up on the question I asked in my first column (Now what do we do with him), I suggest letting Jessica Lynch repeatedly kick him in the nuts while bitching him out. And maybe we should let her dig his eyes out with a rusty set of measuring spoons. Oooh, ooh! I have an idea!! Let’s get the guys from “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” to do a makeover on him! That could be a fun watch. Or alternatively, let’s get some gay porn star to make a video starring him and Saddam! Oh wait, that’s pretty much the same thing I said when I thought they should “saddam-ize” him. Oops. Instead, let’s capture Osama, and have a special P.O.W. edition of “Trading Spaces” where they re-decorate each other’s cell. Or we can capture Osama, round up him, Saddam, and a bunch of their buddies that we’ve already captured, stick them on a deserted island, and have a game of “Survivor,” where they will not only vote each other off the island, but into shark infested waters too! And what does the winner get? Life in prison! Oh, but I hope the Fox network doesn’t get ahold of this column. On the next “Mr. Personality,” they might have all the guys wearing the masks for the girl to choose be members of Saddam or Osama’s parties.
Well, this columns been a lot of fun and babbling, see you next week!
Tags: 10th Anniversary, 1994 Winter Olympics, 2008 Winter Olympics, Athletic Competition, Cleveland Police, Dumb Idea, French Judge, Gold Medals, Hate Mail, Kneecap, Lottery Ticket, Mega Millions Lottery, Nancy Kerrigan, Nancy Kerrigan Tonya Harding, Perpetrator, Real Sport, Tenth Anniversary, Tonya Harding, Top Stars, Winter Olympics
February 8th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Thanks for the informative post. It helped me a lot. May the Force be with you.
May 20th, 2010 at 11:39 pm
i love to Figure Skate, and this has been my favorite sport ever since i was a kid.*;:
June 17th, 2010 at 5:33 am
Hi, also like the Shrek movies, super film!
June 23rd, 2010 at 3:54 am
You can make CNAME records using the Subdomains….check it out as an option
July 19th, 2010 at 4:59 am
i love to see women that is doing some figure skating , they are really beautiful and gracefull.,*’