Longtime readers know, I hate when “The Simpsons” isn’t on Sunday at 8. So imagine my surprise when my TV tells me that the episode entitled “Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind” is on, but I tune in to find a NASCAR race in the 22nd of 250 laps. For those keeping score at home, that’s 88 of 1,000 left turns.
First things first, I’m not criticizing the NASCAR faithful. Apparently that’s the analysts’ job. While we’re on a red flag (which apparently means the race is stopped), I tune in to a quick explination that water seeping through the asphalt is causing the track to be treacherous to drive on. That, and that we’re one caution lap away from resuming the race. Yup, safety is NASCAR’s number one concern, apparently. Anyhow, they break out the green flag, which means that the race can go full speed (again, I’m just guessing here, I’m not a fan), and the helpful FOX analysts explain to me that the little heads up display on my screen, you know, the one that says a bunch of numbers with names after them, is to tell you where your favorite driver is placed in the race. Thank you FOX, I couldn’t figure that out for myself.
And as I’m writing this, it’s starting to rain on the proverbial parade that is this NASCAR race, and therefore, they are back under a yellow (read: go real slow) flag. Apparently when I get home from work at 7AM this race is probably still going to be on. Here’s an idea, NASCAR officials – POSTPONE THE FUCKING RACE!
I’m sorry if this column sucks, and especially if it’s poorly written, but I feel my IQ dropping with every sentence out of these commentators’ mouths. At least Major League Baseball has the common sense to show something else when the damned game is delayed.
Current Mood:
Tired
My advice to all of you, is to learn from my mistakes and never get married. At least not if there’s the slightest thought in your mind that your fiancee is a complete and total psychopath. Especially since that little bit of doubt about your significant other usually turns out to be their most prevalent quality. But that, kids, is a story for another place and another time. I can’t in good concience air my dirty laundry in this blog without worrying that this will be read by an attorney and presented to a lawyer in another desperate attempt to get more of my money.
Current Mood:
Accomplished
yesterday I said I missed the idiocy timeline, and that I hadn’t quite figured out who the idiot of the month for January should be – well, I figured it out, and the idiocy timeline is officially started – our first inductees are the Writers Guild of America, and you can read about that here.
Current Mood:
Bored
I got pretty bored a few minutes ago and I decided to hit up archive.org and search for stupid5pin.com, our predecessor. While I was there I looked at the 2004 Idiocy Timeline entries. I gotta tell you, I miss doing those. Unfortunately, they’re never going to end up going back to the way they used to be. I really don’t have the time, energy, or passion to put into finding the idiotic things that happen and posting them on a website anymore. If anybody wants to do it for me, let me know and I’ll set it up for you – but I’m not doing it.
Speaking of the timeline, I’ve yet to name the idiot of the month for January, and here’s why. I was going to induct Britney Spears, but then I realized that it’s not her fault she’s crazy. Then I was going to make an executive decision to make George W Bush our idiot of the month every month throughout the remainder of his presidency – then he decided he wanted to give money to all the taxpayers, and got the bill passed extremely fast, thus endearing himself to me for a brief moment. Maybe the Hollywood writers, who were all on strike for the entire month of January (and then some). Actually, that sounds like an idea. I’m going to go write an entry for that right now!
Current Mood: Tired
It’s a high of 16 out today. Yeah, that’s fahrenheit. If you don’t know, that mean’s it’s FUCKING COLD outside. Meanwhile, speaking of cold and ice, I’m sure a lot of you know about what happened to Richard Zednik of the Florida Panthers last night in their game against my hometown Sabres. If you don’t, I’m not gonna post the YouTube video because, goddamn, that type of injury doesn’t need to be glorified. I will tell you what happened – midway through the third period, the Panthers Olli Jokinen collided with Sabres’ Clarke MacArthur. As Jokinen was falling forward, his foot went up in the air and his skate caught Zednik square in the throat. Zednik left a trail of blood on the ice as he skated back to his bench. Luckily, the medical staff for both the Panthers and the Sabres were quick to help the injured forward, and within 20 minutes it was announced to the HSBC Arena crowd that Zednik was in stable condition and was on his way to a Buffalo hospital. It was a very scary moment to witness. To the Zednik family, the thoughts of the Buffalo Sabre fans, including us here at stupid5pin, are with you.
Current Mood: Blah
I know, I know. I said I was going back to daily blog entries and haven’t posted in a week or so. I’m actually working on re-creating thinksobrain.com, the official homepage of my band thinksobrain. Well, earlier today I got sidetracked working on that, and here I am. I made a quick tweak of the column links – though if you click through the blog you still get the php?id links (hopefully I’ll get around to doing those as soon as I finish with this here blog entry). I also added an rss feed to the site, I’m going to figure out where to put the link to that, but if you guys want to host our news updates on your sites, click the RSS feed link earlier in this sentence. If there are any viewers from digg.com browsing around, welcome! Sign up for an account, rock out in the arcade, post in the forums, and if you’d like to write for us, let me know!
I’ll put it out there right now. Without Britney Spears, this site would not exist. She was the first entry in the 2004 Idiocy Timeline, and as I sit here right now trying to decide who should be the January 2007 Idiot of the Month, she’s a frontrunner.
However, I’m opting to refrain from choosing her to reprise her role in the Idiocy Timeline for the time being. I refuse to believe that this girl is in a state of mind at the moment where she actually knows right from wrong, or whether she’s speaking in a British accent or an American one.
I blame the media for this, not that that surprises anybody. The paparazzi are all over the poor girl every time she leaves her house, or as was the case earlier this week, the hospital.
Britney’s fellow 2004 Idiocy Timeline inductee Michael Jackson is fucked up in the head. The reason he’s fucked up in the head is because he had to grow up extremely fast and in the public eye. These vultures are doing the same to Britney Spears, and as much as I hate her music, as ugly as I think she is, I feel bad for her because of it. I never thought I’d side with a guy like Chris Crocker, but goddammit, LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! The poor girl is fucked up enough without the media hounding her 24/7.
WGA Picket Sign
“If you don’t like your job, you don’t strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That’s the American way!” So are the words of Homer Simpson, one of many beloved television and movie characters affected by the Writers Guild of America strike. Given the history of the stupid5pin brand, you probably think that the reason I’ve chosen the WGA strike to kick off our 2008 Idiocy Timeline would be the fact that it interrupted the seasons of most of my favorite television shows. Well, dear reader, you are incorrect this time.
Essentially, the essense of the strike is that the writers wanted more money out of the profits of their “creative work.” Right now, longtime readers probably know where this is going, newer ones may not (Hello, Diggers!).
The idea of paying these people for “writing” is ridiculous. Hollywood hasn’t had an original bone in it’s body in a very, very long time. To borrow a line from Fight Club, “everything is a copy of a copy of a copy.” Granted, Edward Norton’s character was referring to what happens when you have insomnia, but then again, I’m sure that the majority of WGA writers have sat up night after night, trying to think of new ideas, only to re-hash a 20 year old concept. Sly Stallone needs a role for a movie in 2007? Let’s have him reprise his role from the 80s as Rocky. Need a new horror flick? No problem, let’s call Rob Zombie and have him re-make Halloween. Kiddie movie? That’s easy, let’s get Johnny Depp to attempt to step in Gene Wilder’s shoes and portray Willy Wonka. These people want money for their “writing?” They’d better damned well be ready to pay residuals to the folks who originally came up with the concept.
So, for going on strike in hopes to get more money to “write” crappy remakes of older movies, Writers Guild of America, you are the January 2008 Idiot of the Month!