March 9, 2004 – EchoStar, the parent company of Dish Network, pulled all Viacom networks from it’s service. Networks include MTV, VH1, BET, Spike TV, Nickelodeon, and Nick at Nite among others. The satellite provider also pulled CBS (who is now mentioned in all three months thusfar of the timeline) in some areas. EchoStar has attributed this to stubbornness from Viacom, who according to EchoStar, asked for a 40% rate increase. But the President of MTV Networks said that 40% “is a lot of malarkey” and that the rate increase sought is “less than 10%.” Viacom is urging Dish subscribers to switch to a “reputable” cable or satellite provider, and cable systems in the Los Angeles area have started a coalition to convince EchoStar customers to “Dump the Dish.” Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who cares? Welcome, EchoStar, to the 2004 Idiocy Timeline!

Well, fast forward 4 1/2 years, and Time Warner Cable subscribers are seeing the following message crawling across their screens:

ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! Attention Time Warner Cable and Bright House Networks customers, starting tonight, you will lose NICKELODEON and 18 other channels from your TV.  Don’t miss out on Dora the Explorer, SpongeBob SquarePants, iCarly and all of your favorite shows.  You can stop this!  Time Warner Cable customers call 1-800-762-3786, Bright House Networks customers call 1-866-309-3279 and DEMAND YOUR NICK NOW!  MUST BE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OLD TO CALL.

I know this, because I saw it come up on my screen when I was watching That 70’s Show on The N last night.  Time Warner Cable customers like myself may possibly lose 19 Viacom channels, many of which I watch regularly.  Well, the following is an open letter to Time Warner Cable.

Dear Time Warner Cable,

While I understand that you believe you are looking out for me, the customer, in your dispute with MTV Networks, I also believe that your company is being unreasonable.  Viacom is asking you for an increase of 25 cents per customer.  If you have to charge me an extra quarter every month in order for me to keep several of my favorite channels, including Nickelodeon, Nick 2, NickToons Network, VH-1, VH-1 Classic, Palladia, Spike TV, and Comedy Central, I don’t mind – and I’m currently unemployed.  If you’d like to eliminate some channels in an effort to save money, though, here is an abbreviated list of channels that I do not watch:

• TBS
• TNT
• CNN
• Headline News
• Turner Classic Movies

I would gladly trade all five of those for my 19 Viacom channels that you are threatening to remove from your lineup.  I would like to ask that if you do decide to drop MTV Networks’ programming that you adjust your cable rates accordingly – I pay way too much money to not get the channels that I watch on a regular basis.

I understand that Viacom airs several of their networks’ original programming via websites such as Nick.com, SpikeTV.com, ComedyCentral.com and others for free.  This does not help me with programming such as Nick at Nite’s lineup of classic television shows (including “Family Matters,” whose ninth and final season, which I hadn’t seen before, has been airing this week), or several of VH-1’s specials (such as “I Love The New Milennium,” which is airing as I type this).  I would threaten to ditch your service for Verizon FiOS or a satellite provider, however, I recently locked into a new contract with your company, under the belief that you would continue to provide the same standard of service I’ve come to expect of you.

Please, Time Warner, don’t be unreasonable.  Charge me the extra quarter and allow me to continue watching my favorite television networks.

Thank you,

A loyal customer.

Stupid Deal? Definitely!

That’s right folks, you can buy this mixer, a $699 value, for just $699!  Better jump on that one while you can!

Now, on to Senator John McCain, who last month chose to select a relative unknown to be his running mate for the upcoming Presidential elections.  While I applaud McCain for choosing a woman as his running mate, thus insuring once and for all that this year’s elections will be historic, I have to question the logic of choosing somebody that most Americans have never heard of.  Not saying that Joe Biden was the best choice for Barack Obama to make, but at least we’ve heard of him.

In the days following McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin to be his running mate, news has come out that Palin was a member of the Alaskan Independence Party (which wanted Alaska to secede from the United States), that her youngest son, Trig, is not really hers (but in fact, her 17 year old daughter Bristol’s, a cover up that protects Palin’s political image as she’s a firm believer in abstinance), and something called “Troopergate” that I haven’t yet done my research on.

So, for giving the country yet another reason to vote for your opponent come November, John McCain, welcome to the 2008 Idiocy Timeline!

He continues; “From here we’re golden.  If this thing leaks all over the world today or tomorrow, happy days.  Happy days.  Trust me. Ten days out and it hasn’t quote-unquote fallen off the truck yet? Everybody’s happy. It’s 2008 and it’s part of how it is these days, so it’s fine. We’re happy.”

Quite a departure from the late 1990’s when the Danish drummer showed up to court with trucks full of names of people who illegally downloaded his band’s material through Shawn Fanning’s Napster service.  Now I don’t feel as bad that I’ve gotten a copy.  I didn’t really in the first place; I’m still planning on buying the album next Friday anyway.

Being the Metallica fan I am, I’ve been anxiously awaiting the new album, and clicking on the band’s official website daily.  This morning, much to my delight, a song from Death Magnetic, titled “My Apocalypse,” was available to listen to.  I chose to listen to it in Windows Media Player, which, while listening, I noticed has a Napster logo and the option to “Buy this CD from Napster.”  Here’s the screenshot:

Oh the Irony! (Click for full view)

With Napster now being a legit music service, there’s not much Lars Ulrich and company can do about people obtaining their music that way if their label has an agreement with the service.  Of course, they’ll actually be making money this time, so I suppose they wouldn’t be complaining much anyway.

On a parting note, here is one of my favorite things to have come out of the whole Metallica/Napster controversy, from the 2000 MTV Video Music Awards:

I showed up early to the Square, because I wanted to be front and center to support my hometown boys.  I get up to the front over by the guardrail, and I have some space on either side of me.  So far, so good.  The guys on my left are wrestling fans, which didn’t surprise me, since Saliva has been tied closely with World Wrestling Entertainment, providing the theme songs for WrestleMania X-8, WrestleMania 24, and their ECW program on Tuesday nights, not to mention a song for WWE Superstar Chris Jericho, and the current theme song of the WWE’s Batista.  The guy on the other side of me was pretty cool, he complimented me on one of my tattoos.  Along comes this lady, along with what was apparently her fiancee and a couple of other people.  I could tell they wanted to squeeze in to the guardrail, but only the one woman succeeded.  What she didn’t succeed at, however, was keeping her hands to herself.  She kept inadvertantly touching my back, my sides, and my hand.  If I didn’t know she was a fellow klear fan, I would have told her that if she couldn’t keep her hand to herself, she’d be going home without it.  Credit where it’s due, once the show started, she managed to not touch me again.

The guys on my left, the wrestling fans who were there for Saliva, had nothing nice to say about klear.  If you’re going to a show, if you don’t like the local opening band, hang back and let their fans enjoy their set without having to hear comments from the peanut gallery.

I did take off for a bit after klear’s set, stopping first to talk to returning frontman Fred Shafer, so that I could make sure I had the right information to update klear’s Wikipedia entry, and when I came back, I took my spot back by the tree that I had during the Femme’s show last year.  I stood back and observed the crowd, who only responded when Saliva played one of their big radio (or commercial) hits.  I’m sure the wrestling fans (yes, I know, I’m a wrestling fan too – but I was a fan of Saliva before they started doing wrestling music) were thrilled when they announced “Ladies and Gentlemen” with “this is the theme song for WRESTLEMANIA 23!”  I really don’t have a complaint about the crowd for this one – it was what it should have been:  a friendly crowd who were there to have fun, including this guy who came to me and said “Peace be with you,” which, despite all my rants about religion on this site, I thought was a kind gesture.

What did bug me about this show is the fact that Josey Scott didn’t seem to be trying very hard.  I’d seen Saliva a couple of times before, and I know what Josey can pull off in live performances, but since the last time I saw him five or six years ago, I think he’s lost a step.  Interestingly enough, it’s not that Josey can’t sing.  For some reason, Josey’s rapping and screaming needed a little work.

While things weren’t that bad last night, I guess we’ll see what happens when I attend a free Joan Jett concert tonight and a free Candlebox concert next week.

———————

Do not misconstrue this. I am 25 years old and I do not think that I’m “too old” to go to concerts. In fact, it’s one of my favorite things to do. That being said, I’ve grown to dislike free outdoor concerts. A lot of this article/column/whatever is based on my experience at a performance of The Violent Femmes at the Buffalo, NY summer concert series, “Thursday At The Square.”

First, the people. People will go to anything if they don’t have to pay for it. Today, I saw a gentleman that had to at least be in his 50s at an alternative rock concert, and he was mockingly pointing out to his wife the kids with multi-colored hair. “Oh, look at that one, he’s got blue hair! Hahaha!” Note to this guy – You’re at a Violent Femmes show, you are the odd one here, not them.

Another example, a couple of older ladies next to me, not quite as old as the gentleman making fun of the alt rock kids, but still older than most of the people there, were having a discussion. One lady asked the other, “so, do you like this band?”

“Eh, they’re alright.”

The problem here is, you can be sure that they weren’t the only ones. The place was swarming with people who didn’t care for the music and were only there because it was a free outdoor activity in downtown Buffalo.

Then there’s the lady behind me who, three songs into the Femmes’ set, was screaming “BLISTER IN THE SUN!!!” First and foremost, bands have these things called setlists. They have the names of the songs they will be performing during their set, listed in the order that they are going to play them. Somehow, I think after 20 years that The Violent Femmes didn’t all of a sudden accidentally leave their biggest hit off of it. Besides, it’s only 8PM, the band will be on until 9PM, and if they play “Blister In The Sun” now, most of these people would leave early. Actually, that may not have been a bad idea…

And then, there’s the tall people. If you’re 6′5″, please get out of the way of the 5′8″ guy behind you. This was my view of the majority of the Femmes’ set:

Tall bastard at the Square

Yeah. I could see. Really.

So, since the tall guy was in the way, I decided to look around at some of the fashion around the Square. Pretty much the usual summer look for the square people, but I did notice one disturbing trend. Those giant sunglasses that are apparently back in style for girls. A lot of them were wearing them. I thought that fad would’ve burnt out by now. They look absolutely ridiculous. I also saw an old guy with a mullet and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt. Give it up, Don Johnson. I doubt that look even worked for you in the 70’s.

Note to our female readers – wear underwear if you’re going to wear low rise jeans. Not that I mind seeing the ass crack of an attractive female, but I’m sure you don’t really want that kind of attention. Besides, with the advent of camera phones, those kind of things will inevitably end up on the internet:

Girl's ass crack at the Square

Speaking of asses, don’t be an asshole. While I’d prefer that you find a spot you’re happy with and stay there for the duration of the show like I do, I understand sometimes you’d like to move and get a better view of the show. Don’t be a dick about it. This one guy pushed his way past me without saying a word, which I really didn’t care about, but then did the same to the girl standing in front of me, who was standing up on a curb. She fell into me, so I kicked the guy in his ass to defend her honor! Yeah, because I’m a gentleman.

Other than all the idiots at the show that really shouldn’t have been there, it was a really good time. The Femmes put on a hell of a show and I hope to have the opportunity to see them again in the future. I think I’ll stand up front the next time – which will leave me the opportunity to write about chronic crowd surfers.

U2 Tracks Leak After Bono Plays Stereo Too Loudly | TorrentFreak.

Fake Batman 3 Poster! – Bam! Kapow! Heroes, Villains And Everything In Between.

First, the 1983 HBO Feature Presentation bumper:

You know, that end part with the lights spinning in the “O” always made me think of Wheel of Fortune. Anyways, here’s the making of:

BONUS! Here’s a couple of different HBO-produced parodies used as April Fool’s jokes in the late 80’s