I know it’s been quite a while since the last time I posted here on S5P – nearly four months, in fact – but I cannot sit idly by and watch as something that was included in the 2004 Idiocy Timeline is happening again. Here’s the original text from the 2004 Timeline, found courtesy of archive.org:
March 9, 2004 – EchoStar, the parent company of Dish Network, pulled all Viacom networks from it’s service. Networks include MTV, VH1, BET, Spike TV, Nickelodeon, and Nick at Nite among others. The satellite provider also pulled CBS (who is now mentioned in all three months thusfar of the timeline) in some areas. EchoStar has attributed this to stubbornness from Viacom, who according to EchoStar, asked for a 40% rate increase. But the President of MTV Networks said that 40% “is a lot of malarkey” and that the rate increase sought is “less than 10%.” Viacom is urging Dish subscribers to switch to a “reputable” cable or satellite provider, and cable systems in the Los Angeles area have started a coalition to convince EchoStar customers to “Dump the Dish.” Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who cares? Welcome, EchoStar, to the 2004 Idiocy Timeline!
Well, fast forward 4 1/2 years, and Time Warner Cable subscribers are seeing the following message crawling across their screens:
ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! Attention Time Warner Cable and Bright House Networks customers, starting tonight, you will lose NICKELODEON and 18 other channels from your TV. Don’t miss out on Dora the Explorer, SpongeBob SquarePants, iCarly and all of your favorite shows. You can stop this! Time Warner Cable customers call 1-800-762-3786, Bright House Networks customers call 1-866-309-3279 and DEMAND YOUR NICK NOW! MUST BE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OLD TO CALL.
I know this, because I saw it come up on my screen when I was watching That 70’s Show on The N last night. Time Warner Cable customers like myself may possibly lose 19 Viacom channels, many of which I watch regularly. Well, the following is an open letter to Time Warner Cable.
Dear Time Warner Cable,
While I understand that you believe you are looking out for me, the customer, in your dispute with MTV Networks, I also believe that your company is being unreasonable. Viacom is asking you for an increase of 25 cents per customer. If you have to charge me an extra quarter every month in order for me to keep several of my favorite channels, including Nickelodeon, Nick 2, NickToons Network, VH-1, VH-1 Classic, Palladia, Spike TV, and Comedy Central, I don’t mind – and I’m currently unemployed. If you’d like to eliminate some channels in an effort to save money, though, here is an abbreviated list of channels that I do not watch:
TBS
TNT
CNN
Headline News
Turner Classic Movies
I would gladly trade all five of those for my 19 Viacom channels that you are threatening to remove from your lineup. I would like to ask that if you do decide to drop MTV Networks’ programming that you adjust your cable rates accordingly – I pay way too much money to not get the channels that I watch on a regular basis.
I understand that Viacom airs several of their networks’ original programming via websites such as Nick.com, SpikeTV.com, ComedyCentral.com and others for free. This does not help me with programming such as Nick at Nite’s lineup of classic television shows (including “Family Matters,” whose ninth and final season, which I hadn’t seen before, has been airing this week), or several of VH-1’s specials (such as “I Love The New Milennium,” which is airing as I type this). I would threaten to ditch your service for Verizon FiOS or a satellite provider, however, I recently locked into a new contract with your company, under the belief that you would continue to provide the same standard of service I’ve come to expect of you.
Please, Time Warner, don’t be unreasonable. Charge me the extra quarter and allow me to continue watching my favorite television networks.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been eagerly awaiting Metallica’s newest album, Death Magnetic, which will be released worldwide next Friday, September 12, 2008. The album was leaked to the internet as of yesterday, September 2, 2008. So what does Metallica, the band who were once the most outspoken crusaders against illegal downloading in the early days of Napster, have to say about the leak? Drummer Lars Ulrich told US radio station Live 105, “Listen, we’re ten days away from release,” signaling that he’s not overly concerned with the leak.
He continues; “From here we’re golden. If this thing leaks all over the world today or tomorrow, happy days. Happy days. Trust me. Ten days out and it hasn’t quote-unquote fallen off the truck yet? Everybody’s happy. It’s 2008 and it’s part of how it is these days, so it’s fine. We’re happy.”
Quite a departure from the late 1990’s when the Danish drummer showed up to court with trucks full of names of people who illegally downloaded his band’s material through Shawn Fanning’s Napster service. Now I don’t feel as bad that I’ve gotten a copy. I didn’t really in the first place; I’m still planning on buying the album next Friday anyway.
It was just 9 years ago that a young man named Shawn Fanning developed a way to share music over the internet in MP3 format. The service was called Napster, and it didn’t take long before musical acts started trying to take down the music piracy enabling software. The most notable act was Metallica, whose new album, Death Magnetic, will be released worldwide on September 12th.
Being the Metallica fan I am, I’ve been anxiously awaiting the new album, and clicking on the band’s official website daily. This morning, much to my delight, a song from Death Magnetic, titled “My Apocalypse,” was available to listen to. I chose to listen to it in Windows Media Player, which, while listening, I noticed has a Napster logo and the option to “Buy this CD from Napster.” Here’s the screenshot:
Oh the Irony! (Click for full view)
With Napster now being a legit music service, there’s not much Lars Ulrich and company can do about people obtaining their music that way if their label has an agreement with the service. Of course, they’ll actually be making money this time, so I suppose they wouldn’t be complaining much anyway.
On a parting note, here is one of my favorite things to have come out of the whole Metallica/Napster controversy, from the 2000 MTV Video Music Awards:
Last year, I posted a blog entry on stupid5pin.net about why I hate free concerts after attending The Violent Femme’s performance at Buffalo’s Thursday at the Square. Last night, I took my first trip up to the Square since that article was written. I went to see one of my favorite local bands, klear, who were re-uniting with their original vocalist after nearly four years. They were opening up for Saliva, who are known for songs such as “Click-Click-Boom” and “Ladies and Gentlemen.”
I showed up early to the Square, because I wanted to be front and center to support my hometown boys. I get up to the front over by the guardrail, and I have some space on either side of me. So far, so good. The guys on my left are wrestling fans, which didn’t surprise me, since Saliva has been tied closely with World Wrestling Entertainment, providing the theme songs for WrestleMania X-8, WrestleMania 24, and their ECW program on Tuesday nights, not to mention a song for WWE Superstar Chris Jericho, and the current theme song of the WWE’s Batista. The guy on the other side of me was pretty cool, he complimented me on one of my tattoos. Along comes this lady, along with what was apparently her fiancee and a couple of other people. I could tell they wanted to squeeze in to the guardrail, but only the one woman succeeded. What she didn’t succeed at, however, was keeping her hands to herself. She kept inadvertantly touching my back, my sides, and my hand. If I didn’t know she was a fellow klear fan, I would have told her that if she couldn’t keep her hand to herself, she’d be going home without it. Credit where it’s due, once the show started, she managed to not touch me again.
The guys on my left, the wrestling fans who were there for Saliva, had nothing nice to say about klear. If you’re going to a show, if you don’t like the local opening band, hang back and let their fans enjoy their set without having to hear comments from the peanut gallery.
I did take off for a bit after klear’s set, stopping first to talk to returning frontman Fred Shafer, so that I could make sure I had the right information to update klear’s Wikipedia entry, and when I came back, I took my spot back by the tree that I had during the Femme’s show last year. I stood back and observed the crowd, who only responded when Saliva played one of their big radio (or commercial) hits. I’m sure the wrestling fans (yes, I know, I’m a wrestling fan too – but I was a fan of Saliva before they started doing wrestling music) were thrilled when they announced “Ladies and Gentlemen” with “this is the theme song for WRESTLEMANIA 23!” I really don’t have a complaint about the crowd for this one – it was what it should have been: a friendly crowd who were there to have fun, including this guy who came to me and said “Peace be with you,” which, despite all my rants about religion on this site, I thought was a kind gesture.
What did bug me about this show is the fact that Josey Scott didn’t seem to be trying very hard. I’d seen Saliva a couple of times before, and I know what Josey can pull off in live performances, but since the last time I saw him five or six years ago, I think he’s lost a step. Interestingly enough, it’s not that Josey can’t sing. For some reason, Josey’s rapping and screaming needed a little work.
While things weren’t that bad last night, I guess we’ll see what happens when I attend a free Joan Jett concert tonight and a free Candlebox concert next week.
ThinkSoJoE note:this here is another one of those “Lost articles,” so named because it was only available for a brief period on stupid5pin.net. Here it is in it’s entirety, written late last June following The Violent Femme’s performance at Buffalo’s Thursday at the Square concert series.
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Do not misconstrue this. I am 25 years old and I do not think that I’m “too old” to go to concerts. In fact, it’s one of my favorite things to do. That being said, I’ve grown to dislike free outdoor concerts. A lot of this article/column/whatever is based on my experience at a performance of The Violent Femmes at the Buffalo, NY summer concert series, “Thursday At The Square.”
First, the people. People will go to anything if they don’t have to pay for it. Today, I saw a gentleman that had to at least be in his 50s at an alternative rock concert, and he was mockingly pointing out to his wife the kids with multi-colored hair. “Oh, look at that one, he’s got blue hair! Hahaha!” Note to this guy – You’re at a Violent Femmes show, you are the odd one here, not them.
Another example, a couple of older ladies next to me, not quite as old as the gentleman making fun of the alt rock kids, but still older than most of the people there, were having a discussion. One lady asked the other, “so, do you like this band?”
“Eh, they’re alright.”
The problem here is, you can be sure that they weren’t the only ones. The place was swarming with people who didn’t care for the music and were only there because it was a free outdoor activity in downtown Buffalo.
Then there’s the lady behind me who, three songs into the Femmes’ set, was screaming “BLISTER IN THE SUN!!!” First and foremost, bands have these things called setlists. They have the names of the songs they will be performing during their set, listed in the order that they are going to play them. Somehow, I think after 20 years that The Violent Femmes didn’t all of a sudden accidentally leave their biggest hit off of it. Besides, it’s only 8PM, the band will be on until 9PM, and if they play “Blister In The Sun” now, most of these people would leave early. Actually, that may not have been a bad idea…
And then, there’s the tall people. If you’re 6′5″, please get out of the way of the 5′8″ guy behind you. This was my view of the majority of the Femmes’ set:
Tall bastard at the Square
Yeah. I could see. Really.
So, since the tall guy was in the way, I decided to look around at some of the fashion around the Square. Pretty much the usual summer look for the square people, but I did notice one disturbing trend. Those giant sunglasses that are apparently back in style for girls. A lot of them were wearing them. I thought that fad would’ve burnt out by now. They look absolutely ridiculous. I also saw an old guy with a mullet and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt. Give it up, Don Johnson. I doubt that look even worked for you in the 70’s.
Note to our female readers – wear underwear if you’re going to wear low rise jeans. Not that I mind seeing the ass crack of an attractive female, but I’m sure you don’t really want that kind of attention. Besides, with the advent of camera phones, those kind of things will inevitably end up on the internet:
Girl's ass crack at the Square
Speaking of asses, don’t be an asshole. While I’d prefer that you find a spot you’re happy with and stay there for the duration of the show like I do, I understand sometimes you’d like to move and get a better view of the show. Don’t be a dick about it. This one guy pushed his way past me without saying a word, which I really didn’t care about, but then did the same to the girl standing in front of me, who was standing up on a curb. She fell into me, so I kicked the guy in his ass to defend her honor! Yeah, because I’m a gentleman.
Other than all the idiots at the show that really shouldn’t have been there, it was a really good time. The Femmes put on a hell of a show and I hope to have the opportunity to see them again in the future. I think I’ll stand up front the next time – which will leave me the opportunity to write about chronic crowd surfers.
Bring up Grease to a group of women, any age, and you will be greeted with the same response: “Awww, I love Grease.” This is fine. They get a kick out of summer lovin’ and watching pretty people dance around in a simpler time. But things take a dangerous turn when you admit to an ounce of dislike for this musical. They’ll pounce faster than greased lightning, ready to declare you a heartless, un-American fiend. You’d think you were the hardass judge from Footloose and had just banned dancing altogether. For the record — that’s a better musical.
Why We Should
The songs, although catchy, are grating. The acting is stiff and borders on self-parody. The comedy is immediately dated. And worst of all, the problem with making a movie that celebrates a simpler time is that simpler times are by their very nature boring. Aside from it being an entertaining enough movie, it’s just not the ultimate joyous musical that many feel it is. And no, I’m not saying that because I’m threatened by John Travolta’s scientologist henchmen.
The problem with that is, I’ve always been critical of the film, and I’ve always been extremely vocal about it, at one point going so far as to survey women about whether they like the movie or not. Not surprisingly, most of them said they love it – except for, oddly enough, women named Nicole for some reason.
I despise the movie. I’ve always said that it’s the second worst film ever made – the first being Grease 2. In all fairness to the John Travolta greaser pic, that statement is a little exxagerated. There are much worse films in existence than the two iterations of Grease. The fact remains that Grease is one of the most overrated films of all time, hands down. As the guys over at Flixter point out, the movie is just plain boring. On top of that, the music is irritating. I’d rather shoot myself in the head than hear a damn number from Grease again.
My ex wife loved the movie. She had a copy of it on VHS (and for those of you too young to remember, that’s what we used to watch movies on before DVDs came out) – I threatened to destroy it if it was ever viewed in my presense. She watched it one time while I was sick. I woke up and it was on. I didn’t destroy it – but I at least scared her (because she’s an idiot and thought that opening the little plastic door and exposing the film would automatically destroy the tape).
I applaud you for your list, Flixter. I just don’t think Grease belongs on it, as I’ve never been afraid to criticize it to anybody, thus proving that entry wrong.
ThinkSoJoE Note: This was posted a few years back on stupid5pin.com. I don’t remember the exact date, but it was only up briefly before the site came down. I figured that since it’s Sunday, a good day to go grocery shopping, I’d repost this list of things that still piss me off today about the idiots you run into at the grocery store. Enjoy!
I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody has any fucking clue about proper grocery store etiquette. So the good natured person that I am, I decided that I’d do some public service by presenting some of these rules to you.
1) If you are standing on the side of a shopping cart, and other people cannot get around you – LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT!
2) Never back up in a grocery store. If I have to explain why, you’re probably retarded and don’t mind getting hit by oncoming shopping carts.
3) If you own a grocery store, and you rennovate and move things to different aisles, please leave a sign up where those things used to be that says where it is now for at least three months. If bread was on one side of the store, and now it’s on the complete opposite side, don’t make me look for it, fuckers!
4) Cart boys – don’t try to push more carts at a time than you’re capable of – especially if you’re gonna be in the fucking way.
5) Speaking of being in the way, stock boys – work overnights so you’re not in the fucking way in the middle of the afternoon. Isn’t that just common sense?
6) If you’re going to stop and look at something on the shelf, move your card and yourself to one side of the aisle so other people can get through.
7) If it’s your first time using some kind of new technology, like the relatively new self-scanning checkouts, try things a couple of times before wasting the cashier’s time. Like, if you put a dollar in a machine, and it comes back out, try it the other direction.
8) Speaking of dollar bills, it’s the digital, self-service age, if you rip a dollar, don’t tape it back together unless you’re a bum. It’s a fucking dollar, get over it. The self-checkout machines don’t like taped up dollars.
These are just a few things that I wanted to get off my chest, hopefully next time you go to the grocery store, you’ll do your part to help improve grocery store etiquette.
ThinkSoJoE note: Seeing as the 2008 Winter Olympics are kicking off one week from today, I figured I’d revisit a column that discusses the controversy from the 1994 Winter Olympics. This article was posted in 2004 on the 10th anniversary of the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding incident. Enjoy!
Well folks, another week over, let’s recap.
One week ago, JB broke the story of Britney Spears’ marriage here on our site. When I woke up a few hours later, it was all over the news that she had it annulled. So therefore, I started the “2004 Idiocy Timeline.” Not even one week later, we added Elecia Battle, who told Cleveland police that she lost the winning Mega Millions lottery ticket. Two days later, she admitted that she never had the ticket to begin with. Stupidity reigns in our age, and I’m looking forward to finding out who is going to be the “2004 Idiot Of The Year!”
This past week also marked the tenth anniversary for an event that could’ve been considered a 1994 “Idiot of the Year” candidate had we been around. Yes, it was ten years ago that Tonya Harding had Nancy Kerrigan’s kneecap smashed in. Now, I’m sure you all think that it would’ve been a candidate for IOTY because it was just really dumb, and the perpetrator only came in like 7,000th anyway, but you’re wrong. Well, mostly. See, I think it would have been a potential candidate because she put out a hit on somebody for FIGURE SKATING! All Kerrigan was doing out there anyway was wasting valuable ice time that could’ve been used for a real sport, hockey. Now before you send me any hate mail about what I just said, I have two words for you that separate the sport from the athletic competition: French judge. Anyways, I think it was a really dumb idea to try and break somebody’s leg to win a gold medal in a “sport” that gives out gold medals once a month to their “top stars.” I could understand, say, if Dennis Rodman kicked one of the players from Belarus in the nuts to help the U.S. team win a championship, because basketball only gives out those gold medals once every four years. And that reminds me of another thing. Kerrigan, injured knee and all, took second that year behind… um… well I forget her name and where she was from… but anyways, imagine how well Kerrigan would’ve done if her own teammate didn’t have her boyfriend bash her knee in.
News came across the other day that Saddam Hussein is officially listed as a Prisoner Of War. So to follow up on the question I asked in my first column (Now what do we do with him), I suggest letting Jessica Lynch repeatedly kick him in the nuts while bitching him out. And maybe we should let her dig his eyes out with a rusty set of measuring spoons. Oooh, ooh! I have an idea!! Let’s get the guys from “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” to do a makeover on him! That could be a fun watch. Or alternatively, let’s get some gay porn star to make a video starring him and Saddam! Oh wait, that’s pretty much the same thing I said when I thought they should “saddam-ize” him. Oops. Instead, let’s capture Osama, and have a special P.O.W. edition of “Trading Spaces” where they re-decorate each other’s cell. Or we can capture Osama, round up him, Saddam, and a bunch of their buddies that we’ve already captured, stick them on a deserted island, and have a game of “Survivor,” where they will not only vote each other off the island, but into shark infested waters too! And what does the winner get? Life in prison! Oh, but I hope the Fox network doesn’t get ahold of this column. On the next “Mr. Personality,” they might have all the guys wearing the masks for the girl to choose be members of Saddam or Osama’s parties.
Well, this columns been a lot of fun and babbling, see you next week!
Come on, you can’t possibly be serious about this. Miley Cyrus, star of the hit Disney property “Hannah Montana,” has caused a huge uproar because she posed nude, save for a bedsheet wrapped around her, for Vanity Fair magazine. The photo, seen in the inset above which has been borrowed from a New York Times article on the story, does not seem to be very risque to this blogger, and quite frankly, I’m not sure why it’s causing such a fuss. Parents are talking about conducting burnings of Hannah Montana merchandise, and stating that “parents should be concerned.”
Now, I’m no expert, but Vanity Fair doesn’t exactly strike me as the kind of magazine that kids the age of Hannah Montana’s target audience would read. On top of that, these people are jumping to conclusions because the photo is out of context, I’m sure there’s an article that goes along with it. It seems to me that the problem is not a not-so-naked Miley Cyrus, the problem is parents with nothing better to do but pin the blame for their poor parenting on somebody else. You don’t want your kid to see the picture of Hannah Montana wearing nothing but a bed sheet, don’t let your kid see the picture. It’s just like I’ve been saying for years to people who don’t like TV shows and then publicly complain about them – if you don’t like it, don’t watch. Miley Cyrus shouldn’t be condemned for her actions, and quite frankly, even if I agreed with those who say she should, I’d still probably point the blame at Billy Ray.
Speaking of censorship, somebody please tell me the difference between a video game that has scenes of sex and violence along with strong language, and a movie that has the same thing? Wake up, Florida attonrey Jack Thompson, video games aren’t just for kids anymore. Grand Theft Auto IV is rated M for Mature, just like a movie that contains the type of content that the game has would be rated R. Politicians screamed for a ratings system for video games, and now, over a decade since it was put into effect they can’t handle the result.
Remember the column I posted a few weeks back about Britney Spears? Remember that I said the media should leave the poor girl alone? Well, here’s the latest episode of South Park, entitled “Britney’s New Look.” And don’t forget, season 12 of the hit series is now airing every Wednesday night at 10PM Eastern Time on Comedy Central!
Oh wait. I haven’t set this site up for media, how dumb of me! In any case, here’s the links to part one, part two and part three of “Britney’s New Look” on YouTube.
