It was a tough call to pick the Idiot of the Month for August, but it came down to the reasons why I was split between two potential picks. In the interest of full disclosure, the alternate pick was John Edwards, who confessed to an extramarital relationship which will probably, like Elliot Spitzer before him, ruin his political career. The reason I chose not to go with him is because he’s not the only politician ever involved in a scandal, and he was man enough to admit to his mistake.
Now, on to Senator John McCain, who last month chose to select a relative unknown to be his running mate for the upcoming Presidential elections. While I applaud McCain for choosing a woman as his running mate, thus insuring once and for all that this year’s elections will be historic, I have to question the logic of choosing somebody that most Americans have never heard of. Not saying that Joe Biden was the best choice for Barack Obama to make, but at least we’ve heard of him.
In the days following McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin to be his running mate, news has come out that Palin was a member of the Alaskan Independence Party (which wanted Alaska to secede from the United States), that her youngest son, Trig, is not really hers (but in fact, her 17 year old daughter Bristol’s, a cover up that protects Palin’s political image as she’s a firm believer in abstinance), and something called “Troopergate” that I haven’t yet done my research on.
So, for giving the country yet another reason to vote for your opponent come November, John McCain, welcome to the 2008 Idiocy Timeline!
This is technically meant for theatrical releases, but the fact remains that The Dark Knight has broken record after record after record since it’s debut at the box office. So whether you’re Pirates of the Carribean 3 or The Lord of the Rings, or even The Godfather, which was upended in the top spot of the IMDb Top 250 by the newest film in the Batman saga. So, while The Dark Knight continues to rake in the money at the box office, every other movie in the history of cinema looks pretty stupid for the month of July, 2008.
Far be it for me to rip on a sports team for losing, let alone pick them to be the Idiot of the Month. This is a special case, however. The Angels pitchers rendered the Los Angeles Dodgers hitless. That’s right, they pitched a no-hitter. So how are they the idiots of the month? Well, quite simply – they lost. The Dodgers became only the fifth team in Major League Baseball history to win a game without a hit. Making things even more odd (and more insulting to the Angels), because the Dodgers didn’t have to bat in the 9th inning, the Angels’ pitchers didn’t get credit for thier no-hitter!
In May of 2008, Hillary Clinton’s campaign for the Democratic Party nomination in the 2008 US Elections was falling down the tube, to the point where Mrs. Clinton had to throw in $6.4 million of her own money to keep it afloat – barely. Despite all this, Hillary refused to give up her hope that she would be the President of the United States of America. While Barack Obama was climbing up the polls and rolling towards a victory, Hillary continued to say that she was not giving up. She eventually dropped out, but for the rest of May, Hillary earned her title as the fifth Idiot of the Month for 2008!
Montreal Canadiens
The Montreal Canadiens – there is only one word to describe this team, and that word is “legendary.” With 24 Stanley Cup Championships to call their own, only the New York Yankees have more championships in the “big four” American sports leagues. So somebody please explain to me why fans of a team with such a rich championship history were excited enough to riot and torch police cars after their team made it to the second round of the NHL playoffs. Granted, the win was over bitter rivals the Boston Bruins in a 7 game series, but that’s no reason to get excited, your team still has three more teams to beat to get their names engraved on Lord Stanley’s Cup.
From the Globe and Mail article:
Street celebrations following the seventh-game victory by the Montreal Canadiens over the Boston Bruins turned violent Monday night after vandals torched and smashed more than a dozen police vehicles and damaged local businesses. Police spokesman Constable Laurent Gingras said at least 13 people were detained, including three minors — one 14-year-old and two 17-year-olds.
Making this whole story even more idiotic is the fact that after the celebratory riots in the streets of Montreal, Les Habitants only managed to win one game in their best of seven series loss to the Philadelphia Flyers, who are going on to play the Pittsburgh Penguins in the Eastern Conference Finals.
Elliot J Spitzer
March 2008. You couldn’t turn on the television without hearing one of two names: Disgraced New York State Governer Elliot J Spitzer, or high priced hooker Ashley Alexandra Dupré. While Dupré was gaining publicity, Spitzer was losing credibility. You see, The New York Times found out that Spitzer had been involved in an illegal prostitution ring, which Dupré was a part of. At $1,000 bucks an hour, you’d think Spitzer would be slick enough to watch who he says what to when about it, but alas, Federal wiretapping caught him discussing it over the phone. On March 12, amidst threats of impeachment, Spitzer announced that on March 17th, he’d be stepping down as governer of New York State, citing “personal failings.”
For being stupid enough to do something illegal and get caught, failing to learn from the mistakes of Bill Clinton before you, we welcome you here to the Idiocy Timeline, Elliot Spitzer. You’re in good company, and it won’t cost you $1,000 an hour.
New England Patriots
I don’t think it’s any secret that usually, I only like to watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. Super Bowl 42 was different, however, as it was the culmination of something that I had waited for all season long. The 18 – 0 New England Patriots went in to the big game as huge favorites over the NFC Wild Card New York Giants, and I couldn’t wait to watch them choke. And sure enough, Eli Manning lead his squad to victory over the now formerly perfect Pats. The 1972 Miami Dolphins cracked open the champagne as their perfect season remained the only one in NFL history, the Giants hoisted the Heisman Trophy, and the 2007 New England Patriots choked their way into the February 2008 stupid5pin Idiocy Timeline!
WGA Picket Sign
“If you don’t like your job, you don’t strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That’s the American way!” So are the words of Homer Simpson, one of many beloved television and movie characters affected by the Writers Guild of America strike. Given the history of the stupid5pin brand, you probably think that the reason I’ve chosen the WGA strike to kick off our 2008 Idiocy Timeline would be the fact that it interrupted the seasons of most of my favorite television shows. Well, dear reader, you are incorrect this time.
Essentially, the essense of the strike is that the writers wanted more money out of the profits of their “creative work.” Right now, longtime readers probably know where this is going, newer ones may not (Hello, Diggers!).
The idea of paying these people for “writing” is ridiculous. Hollywood hasn’t had an original bone in it’s body in a very, very long time. To borrow a line from Fight Club, “everything is a copy of a copy of a copy.” Granted, Edward Norton’s character was referring to what happens when you have insomnia, but then again, I’m sure that the majority of WGA writers have sat up night after night, trying to think of new ideas, only to re-hash a 20 year old concept. Sly Stallone needs a role for a movie in 2007? Let’s have him reprise his role from the 80s as Rocky. Need a new horror flick? No problem, let’s call Rob Zombie and have him re-make Halloween. Kiddie movie? That’s easy, let’s get Johnny Depp to attempt to step in Gene Wilder’s shoes and portray Willy Wonka. These people want money for their “writing?” They’d better damned well be ready to pay residuals to the folks who originally came up with the concept.
So, for going on strike in hopes to get more money to “write” crappy remakes of older movies, Writers Guild of America, you are the January 2008 Idiot of the Month!